An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
