I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
where are my eyebrows?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
