I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
