dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
