I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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