so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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