And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
