and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the day after is always just damage control
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize