I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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