just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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