Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
