He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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