Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Randomize
