he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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