Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
