I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
