i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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