Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
