woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
