He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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