ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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