I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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