omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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