someone owes me an orgasm
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
