Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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