why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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