I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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