I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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