My room smells like vodka and shame
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
