my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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