i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
