I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
