I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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