I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
false alarm, still single
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
