y did u give ur computer a hand job?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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