I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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