let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
