my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
