If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
