"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Randomize
