I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
