Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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