Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i think i just lost a toe
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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