I could make wine with my vomit
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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