He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
