I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
did i just pee glitter
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
