I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
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You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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