he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
