remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
