It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
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