god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just gargled with NyQuil
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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