OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
