i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize