I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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