every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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