idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
