We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
